I hate this time of year, loathe it. The freezing cold sits in my bones and it's hard to find things to laugh at. Naturally, my depression sets in and getting out of bed to take a shower feels like an impossible task.
With the recent upsetting event last week, I am trying to remain strong, but I am not doing so well.
I am struggling with restricting and skipping meals. My anxiety is the main cause of this. However, not eating causes my anxiety to be worse. It's a hard thing. I am physically hungry, but mentally...the act of eating feels like I have to climb Mt. Everest. I need to find some accountability. I am keeping a food journal for my dietitian. Eating with others is easier than eating alone, which is baffling me.
Therapy is frustrating. I am working hard on trauma issues, but find myself getting easily frustrated and hopeless at some of the things we are working on. It's hard for me to be patient and to trust this process. I am trying Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, with hopes that it helps some of my trauma symptoms.
I joined a gym near my house. My main motivator was to get back into shape so I can feel better about my body. Now I just need to get myself there. My bed is safe and warm and comfortable, the outside world is not.
I need it to be Spring. I need light and warmth. I am desperate for it.
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