I probably had one of the most intense, productive and healing therapy sessions I've ever had. I have a lot of abandonment issues that stem from my childhood as well as an incompetent therapist I had for several years who ended up dumping me. My current therapist is going out of town for the next two weeks, and I'm really afraid of that. I also have attachment issues that came out last time my therapist was out of town. When she came back into town it literally felt like a bomb blew up in my face. I reverted back to my child like ways and my hurt child state. The issue was resolved pretty quickly, but I do still remember it in the back of my mind. I spent most of my therapy session today in tears. Which is a big deal for me. I can cry alone in my room where no one can see me or hear me, but crying in front of people is a whole other deal. But I let go in therapy today and it was healing. My therapist offered a lot of reassurance and we made a plan for myself while she will be away. I will be seeing another therapist in her office, who used to work at Remuda, and whom I see whenever my therapist is out of town for an extended period of time. I also have a scheduled appointment with my psychiatrist and most likely will be seeing my dietitian too. My therapist reminded me that I have a circle of people who are there for me. She also wants me to keep a list of "joy points" while she is gone so I have good things to record instead of just bad things. My therapist will also try to check in when she can with me.
She is going to be on the other side of the country and I appreciate SO much that she is willing to do that.

We also had a discussion today about how when things seem to be resolving in my life, or I guess just getting better (trauma, eating disorders), I freak out and feel like my life is over. I've dealt with depression and anxiety since I was 4-5 years old, and other issues have followed. The thought of life without those things, however miserable they may be, is scary. My therapist stated that it's a really scary thing and it's really difficult. She's right.

I see my therapist again on Thursday, and then she leaves for 2 weeks. I have faith that I will be okay while she is gone, but I still am fearful. We'll see how it goes.